I have come to realize that sometimes life-defining experiences can either make you lose yourself or discover yourself. And to be honest,I am not so sure why. All the pain and the hurt I went through led to a time where I was lost. I didn’t know what I wanted, where I should go, who I should be. It was a vicious cycle of a never ending conundrum. You know that time where you can’t even think, the simplest of tasks feels mountainous.
But slowly by slowly, I started to see light at the end of this proverbial tunnel. I still can’t say if I just saw it or it had always been there but my eyes were closed to it. But I did start to reach out to this light. This light ended up being the creative space. It did not matter what I did- be it designing or writing, I would come alive and lose track of time. Slowly by slowly, I started getting out of my funk.
“ A highly developed values system is like a compass. It serves as a guide to point you in the right direction when you are lost.”Idowu Koyenikan
I began to ask myself serious questions. Why the creative space? Why creativity? What is it about this whole thing of creativity that enables me to be me? It’s in the midst of this place that I started asking questions like,”Who am I? What do I stand for? These are not easy questions to answer, not because you can not do it but because you have to be honest with yourself. It’s difficult being honest with yourself when for so long,you have been dishonest with yourself. And this is exactly where I found myself. I had to make a decision- to be authentic. Now authenticity is not as complicated as we think. It simply means being the real you and always bringing the real you to the table,no matter what.
I am not gonna lie that I am fully there. I am definitely not. But I am working on it. I am taking it one day at a time and most especially allowing myself the freedom to do so. We live in a century of democracy. It’s being touted from the rooftops. Democracy for the people! Human rights! Freedom for the nations!! Well, what about freedom for you or freedom for me to be ourselves- now I am not saying taking this life we have been given for granted.
I am simply talking about the freedom to follow your path however different it may be from others or tradition,freedom to embrace who you truly are whatever race,whatever culture,whatever background you may come from. Freedom to choose the unconventional versus the conventional. That’s the freedom I am talking about. And yet as I say all this -what about the freedom to be who Christ created me to be because whether I like it or not, He is my compass,my center.
“Jesus, you are the center of my joy. All that’s good and perfect comes from you. You are the heart of my contentment,hope for all I do. Jesus,you are the center of my joy.”The center of my joy~Richard Smallwood
I am nothing without Jesus. There,I have said it! I admit it because that’s what freedom is about. That’s what authenticity is about. That’s where creativity comes from. All these are some of my values and yet, I can’t even say they are truly mine. They are His,imparted in me. I am still learning. I am still growing in this walk. Everyday, it’s new! Because of that, I get excited because I don’t like routine,doing the same thing day in,day out. Oh, to be able to fully immerse myself in a space that continously grows makes me so energized to see what next,to hope for more,to embrace the new because all that’s good and perfect is being imparted in me. That’s who I am. This is me!