As we all know, well at least some of us know is that May is the Month of Mental Health and we here at This is Me! are all on this. We have launched the #BreakTheSilence series where we will be demystifying mental health from our points of view and the stages of healing. This episode is all about Hope Abounds #BreakTheSilence
We are onto the second stage of Healing by The Holistic Psychologist which is HOPE AND DEEPER AWARENESS. She describes this stage as one where there is a belief that life can bring more meaning and that we are more than our conditioned self. With new awareness, we become conscious to how our choices create our reality.
“What mental health needs is more sunlight, more candor, and more unashamed conversation.”Glenn Close
Well after the saga I described in the previous blog post about being called a curse, you can check it here. I hit rock bottom….Ok, not rock bottom rock bottom-let’s say I was on an all-time low. I can not even explain what I felt because it was a cross between depression and something else. It is really difficult to explain or even realise that you are going through such a thing but when I look back, I am like all the signs were there, how did I not see this?
I love design, especially interior design and so I had designed my bedroom in the colors I like. I can not deny it-I love Red and Purple and Pink and Yellows…Anyway, I had designed my room to my hearts desire and now I did not care a whit about it. It did not even register until my dad walked into my room, looked around,then looked at me and asked,” What is wrong?” I was confused. I even said,” Nothing is wrong.” Why do we always say that when obviously something is wrong and we know it?
Anyway, He looked at me and said,” I determine your moods through your bedroom and now your bedroom is a pigsty.” I had absolutely nothing to say because it was true. My room was absolutely horrible. Everything was everywhere. I had clothes on the floor, food on the bed. It was a colossal mess! But Daddy being Daddy said all that and walked away, leaving me with thoughts of despair.
I started asking myself questions about, “What was I all about? What did I want for my life?” I mean goodness, I was sharing a bed with lasts nights sweet potatoes and malakwang. Like what was that? I am so thankful that my dad asked me that question because I did not realise that my environment portrayed my thoughts. As a psychologist and a budding interior designer, I should have seen the relationship but now-more dark and morose thoughts plagued my mind. These thoughts can drown you till you are left with a semblance of yourself. Where did the Happy Go Lucky me go?
I will be honest sometimes I miss her but after all I have been through, it would be a feat to be that and I think I am happy with myself now but I had to go through this stage of hope and awareness. I had to realise that I was the only one in charge of my life and my life had MEANING.
I was not exactly sure what it was but my goodness, it had meaning and I was going to find out what it was. This brought on awareness of my triggers. What made me act in a certain way vis a vis another? What thoughts or illusions made me want to crumble into my bed and what made me jump out of bed with joy? I had to become very intentional with my thoughts and please it was not easy. It is a day by day situation. Heck it was an hour by hour situation….
“Sometimes it’s the smallest decisions that can change your life forever.”Keri Russell
But soon enough, I began to make progress and get out of the funk I was in. And you know how I knew- I became very conscious of how my room looked. All of a sudden I wanted to lay my bed with clean and ironed sheets. I will not lie- there were still clothes on the floor but now I piled them up in one corner. I even allowed the house manager to come in one day and clean up. I saw that and I thought Progress.
It really is the little things that give us hope that there is a future ahead of us. May we live with abounding hope, having the excitement and anticipation of expecting good to happen. Because There was hope. Cheers to the little things
TUNE IN NEXT WEEKEND FOR PART THREE OF THIS FIVE PART SERIES: We shall be delving into Grief-what it is and how we can deal with it!!
So how do you deal with awareness of where ya at ? With Hope Abounding? Let’s #BreakTheSilence and pop over to the comments section and we get this conversation started