Embracing my story has not been easy. Many times, it’s like a trial and error. When I think I have reached nirvana,it slips through my hands like sand. I have to keep telling myself- Stop being so hard on yourself! Allow yourself to move with flow. It is Ok. Like today,I woke up and I just did not want to write this blog post. At all! I have enjoyed writing and I am now part of a writing accountability group to write a blog post a day for 21 days.
Yes, I am the kind of person who needs such accountability otherwise,I will sit back and relax till the deadline and then start running around like a headless chicken. My excuse was that when I am on pressure, my creativity is on a high.*wink*. It’s true. Those creative juices just run so rich and I get everything that needs to be done,done albeit a few microseconds to the deadline.
I want freedom for the full expression of my personality.Mahatma Ghandi
But this was not to be. I have to write everyday and post to the whatsapp group everyday. Aaahhhh, I almost contemplated posting what I had written yesterday but my conscience could not allow me so here I am,whining with you. Hahahaha!! I mean if not with you,then who?
But I do realize that what I called part of my personality is plain old procrastination. *Sigh* And this is the enemy of progress I must conquer. Sometimes I feel like,had it not been for Mr. Procrastination,I would be fffaaaarrrr. But hey,a journey of a thousand miles starts with one step so here I am, taking these small steps,one at a time. Because I do want freedom for the full expression of my personality as Ghandi said. I want to be the best version of me and yes I do understand that means accepting my strengths and mitigating my weaknesses.
Sometimes it’s far easier to keep looking at the flaws,the broken parts of me that I would rather ignore and lose sight of my virtues. And yet that’s what I want to concentrate on- my virtues,my strengths. Because they are part of me and as I continue working on them,the very best version of myself will always come to the party.
“ I will not be someone other than who I am. I will fight to make my stand.What is living if I can’t be free? What is freedom if I can’t be me”.I will not be broken~Bonnie Raitt
So I guess today I am choosing not to be broken. Yes other people may break us as it has happened to me but many times,it’s me doing the breaking because I am just not looking at the good in me and I am concentrating on the bad in me. God sees the good in me. He sees the good in you so why are we concentrating on the bad? Join me and let’s make a stand. To not be what the world wants us to be. To not be what family or friends want us to be even if it’s from loving concern. But let’s make the stand to be free. To be exactly who we are. I am making that stand to be me.Because that’s who I am. This is me!