Shape of Me
I joined the @afrobloggers #WinterABC challenge with the desire to challenge myself. To put myself out. You could say that I did it to get my voice out. It sounds easy,right? Wrong!!! It’s definitely not easy. To be vulnerable. To be seen. As you truly are and not how you would like to portray yourself.
But it really all comes down to this- Am I willing to write my story? To hold the pen of my life and jot down a narrative that is authentically me. To present forth a living breathing novel that is me and share it, allow people to go through the pages and probably make comments or suggestions or simply accept it as it is.
You know that’s how we are as a people-a courageous one stands up to share his or her story and the first thought is to criticize but despite the criticism, the truth still remains. Someone was courageous enough to accept his or her story as it was,most often minus edits and share it with the world. And we were truly all the better because of it.
Taking that step was and still is not easy but I am trying because at the end of my life, I would like to say that I am leaving empty,having poured out myself onto the people around me and those beyond. It is taking a step in a direction that I have no idea where it will lead.
I will be honest and say sometimes, I want to run away and curl up in my bed and forget I even embarked on this journey but if I don’t do it for me, who will? You could say that this is my self-love project. Loving Patricia enough to embrace her story.
“ Until the lion learns how to write, every story will glorify the hunter.” African Proverb
In the mentorship group I joined, we were asked to write our bio. Ooohhh!!! That was harder than I thought. Trying to understand one’s brand is emotional. Yes,it is!! Because you begin to ask yourself questions about yourself,not about someone else or how someone else sees you but how you see you. Have you ever tried to do that?
To self-reflect, to delve into the mysteries of you and in all the chaos, come up with a narrative that is you. It’s not easy but it is necessary. And the best thing of all,it is always work in progress. You add a little today to the body,you remove a bit more tomorrow until a shape begins to form. A shape that is intrinsically you.
It is surreal being in a situation where I have to fall in love with me-whatever this me may be. Accepting that everyday,I will discover something brand new about myself. Something that will surprise me and yet make me smile because I am beginning to see through the blurry lines of a shape.Almost like I keep evolving till I get to the best version of myself that I was created to be.
“ Every day discovering something brand new.Elohim,breathe on me.” I worship you- Beckah Shae
So here I am, learning like a baby learns to walk. Those first steps that always end up in a tumble and no matter how few steps,the parents are always so excited because a child has learnt to walk- They may not be able to stand for long but they are learning and one day,one step will become two and before you know,it’s a toddle.
Well, I have no parents on the side waiting to cheer my first steps. I am my own cheerleader because that exactly what I need to be for me- my own fan.I am now a toddler of my own story,learning to love me all over again so that when I am now able to share that shape of me,maybe you too will cheer me on but even if you don’t, I am still going to cheer me on. Because that’s who I am. This is me!